studio bones is a bad studio and you should hate them because they are bad

Anyone who knows me personally or has had the distinct pleasure of reading my well-researched and thought out forum posts will know that I hate Studio Bones.

A bit of background for I get going. Some backstory if you will. Yesterday I was working like fucking crazy all day. Naturally, after such an ordeal one would not be the most mentally stable. Me, being insane normally, was insane beyond human comprehension. We’re talking NHK, drug popping, talking refrigerator Satou Tatsuhiro insane. On top of this, I was listening to episodes of Anime World Order*, one of these episodes being the one in which Daryl Surat rants for something like 15 minutes on how much he hates pedos. So, on top of me being insane, I was filled with RANT FUEL after being throughly impressed by Surat’s talent to hate so beautifully.

Cut to about 10:30pm and I’m reading this thread. The subject has shifted to that of Eureka Seven, a Bones show from 2004 or thereabouts. I chimed in saying I should really continue the show, as it’s the only not-shitty thing Bones has ever laid their hands on. The fine gentleman below me made a somewhat snarky comment regarding my tastes in anime, which is typical of him. Now, it as this point where I quite rationally chose between two courses of action. Even though my mind was ravaged beyond belief, I was still able to make this one decision. That being, to a) leave another snarky comment and leave it at that, or b) launch into an offensive rant that makes no fucking sense and will be sure to stir up controversy. Now, I was high on insanity and Surat rants, which are horrible things to waste, so naturally I choose b. Any other sane person would.

What follows is an argument that makes no sense at all, and is filled with delicious drama and all attention pointed towards me, ME, ME! I won’t write anymore, because you can just read the rest for yourself.

Now, back to the topic at hand: Studio Bones. Why do I hate such a well respected studio so much? Well, that’s exactly why I hate them. I hate them because everyone fucking loves them. Bones, on their own are your typical average anime studio and the only thing setting them apart from the rest of the average studios is the fact that they are pretentious. Now, pretentious, as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary means, “Claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified.” This is exactly what Bones does. Their outsides are big and showy, boasting crazy production values and the like, but at their bare bones (PUN!) they are quite boring and uninteresting. I should also note that while their animation is certainly solid, it’s not visually interesting in the least. Even KyoAni, which is also fairly tame with its visuals has that cool glowy-effect and moe character designs. What fucking BOTHERS me is how people eat this crap and thoroughly enjoy it time and time again.

This hate is not unjustified. I’ve seen a pretty good sampling of the studio’s work. In fact, I’ve seen near everything they’ve ever done! ACTUALLY, what I’ll do right now is go through all the Bones shows that I’ve seen, and give my full and complete thoughts on them.

  • Cowboy Bebop: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door: I’ll start off by saying that Sunrise made the original Cowboy Bebop TV series, which is an incredibly perfect show which is typical of Sunrise since they tend to make perfect things (but lately they’ve been making less than perfect things.) For some reason people think Bones made Bebop, which is very wrong (but not really since a lot of the Bebop crew when over to work at Bones) since they only made the movie. I guess people miss this big fucking © 1998 SUNRISE INC. at the end of opening which plays for 25 of the 26 episodes. But hey, I guess anime fans are blind. Whatever. Anyway, this movie is fine. Not the best the franchise had to offer, but certainly big and showy and pulled off pretty well. One of the greatest cel-productions I’ve ever seen, probably. The thing that makes it work is Watanabe, a most perfect director in every regard, since he’s the Tarantino of anime, and Tarantino is another perfect director who can do no wrong. Without him, this movie would be, uh, well it would turn out kind of like the next entry…
  • Wolf’s Rain: Back in the days when I was stupider than I am now (if your mind can even fathom such a thing) I was fucking psyched for this show. It had almost all the Bebop team, sans Watanabe. Now, I was still on dial up so I had to wait for it come stateside, which didn’t take very long. I watched it all on Adult Swim as a stupid 15 year old, and liked it pretty good but… it wasn’t perfect. It was less than perfect. It was less than great. It was ok. I watched it again about a year ago, and the flaws in pacing a basic storytelling simply became more apparent. It was a fine show with an ambitious concept, but was too long, and maybe got stuck in its own dumb bullshit. Also, too many pretty boys.
  • Scrapped Princess: This is probably the single most entertaining TV show I’ve seen out of Bones in its entirety. The story is based off a novel, so they didn’t have to actually think up much of anything, which is only for the better. The character designs are derived from otaku favourite, Mogudan, so the show doesn’t try to look more important than it is by trying to force some half realistic/half cartoon style upon itself. The first half is rather boring, but the second half is somewhat gripping and the characters are actually interesting to watch making for a slightly above average second half that is weighed down by a boring bellow average first half, resulting in an average anime that isn’t offensive in the slightest but probably isn’t worth too much praise.
  • Full Metal Alchemist: This show is long and boring and only gets interesting in its last 10 episodes then it ends. People only like it because it has boys which they can draw yaoi of. To its credit though, I do like the world it created around itself, but in the end it’s your typical shounen show and tries to be important by making some half-assed parallel to the state of affairs in the middle east. Also, it’s not funny at all. It has the worst type of anime humour imaginable.
  • Eureka Seven: I’ve not actually seen all of this show, but I should as it seems unique and interesting, unlike everything else under this studio’s belt. Also, it has robots. How can you go wrong with robots?
  • Ouran High School Host Club: This is where it really happened. This is where the true hate began. This show presented itself, initially as a smart and sharp parody on shoujo cliches, which I found extremely entertaining since I hate shoujo manga with every ounce of my being. About four episodes in, the same jokes are still being used. About 12 episodes in, the jokes stop happening and it starts taking itself and its pretty boy cast seriously. By episode 17, I dropped it. Fuck that shit. Fuck it all.
  • Ayakashi Ayashi: This here had promise, mostly in the form of character designs by Toshihiro Kawamoto and promises of an epic story that would span 50 episodes. However, the first episode was boring as all hell, the designs were some of Kawamoto’s worst and the show in general failed to entertain me. I dropped it after 11 episodes.
  • Darker Than Black: I think I should note that up until my viewing of Ouran, I was fairly indifferent towards the studio. However, by Darker Than Black, I had fucking strong bias against it. However, it had a soundtrack by Yoko Kanno, a cool urban setting and really nice character design. Unfortunately, the show proper was mostly slow, boring, and built up to a very unsatisfactory ending that really made no sense. Yin was the only saving grace in this mess of a pretentious anime.

Nothing on that list is anything groundbreaking, unique or very interesting, with the maybe exception of E7 and of course the Bebop movie. Bones has done nothing to show that they are a worthwhile studio worthy of any praise, so I’m lost as to why people cream their fucking pants over their shit. Honestly, guys, it’s not that good. Want good anime? Watch something SHAFT made, or KyoAni, or Gainax, or older Sunrise shows. Do not look towards Bones. There be nothing but poopoo over there.

*Anime World Order is, I should note, the most perfect podcast in existence. Even though they go against everything I stand for (that being loli and the pedo way) they are all extremely humourous and you should listen to them if you’re not a humourless, boring person who gets easily offended when a random internet person hates your favourite anime.

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